5 Things

5 ways Spike and Giles Never met.

1.  His father had rewarded him for his first term performance with a look at the vampire archives. The records of known vampires – things he would have full access to once he was done with training, but that was many years away.  Rupert poured over the charcoal drawings of the Scourge of Europe, his finger tracing a cheekbone of the vampire that looked too young to be so cruel, and wondered what it would be like to have no soul, no responsibilities, no conscience.

2.  Ripper stood at the fringe of all the madness, pissed at Ethan for getting them in and adoring him for it.  Then a shock of blond hair passed him and all thoughts of Ethan fled at the memory of those cheekbones in charcoal and lurid thoughts in a library once upon a time.  Ripper couldn’t resist. he had to see if the devil that looked out of those eyes was as evil and as tasty as he’d thought. He found his answers in a dark corner of the party, where no one could see them.  Spike was amused by his boldness and Ripper learned reality is much better, and far more dangerous, than any schoolboy fantasy.

3.  He didn’t care if he lost a little bit of his soul.  After losing Randall, he knew he didn’t have much of one left, anyway, so asking some nameless vampire to suck it away with his blood for a few minutes of oblivion didn’t seem like such a high price.  What he didn’t expect was blue eyes that challenged him, an amazing mouth wandering over him, calling up better memories than those he could not seem to put away, and sharp teeth that pierced his skin making his body burn with loss and lust and life. 

4.  He gave Buffy a lift into the heating tube, and then turned down the hall to find others and get them out.  Instead of humans though, he caught sight of Spike and was struck dumb.  Even in game-face and snarling at minions he was beautiful.  Giles shook his head, and suddenly Spike noticed him.  Noticed him and grinned, that predatory grin that shot fire into Giles’ veins.  For a long moment the world narrowed to that hall, with the two of them standing, staring, wanting. Then something down another hallway crashed them both out of their reveries.  Spike was out of sight in the blink of an eye and Giles headed in the opposite direction, looking to find the other humans that were trapped.

5.  There was a knock, and Giles knew it wasn’t the children at all. He dreaded, and wanted, the door to open on a vampire with blue eyes and blond hair. So when it happened, he couldn’t be surprised, not by that. What shocked him was the way his body reacted, the way he almost said the words of invitation, the way he almost forgot that he had to resist that smile and those eyes, and those lips. But he knew he had to be careful now – he had other things, other people, a Slayer, that he had to live for. He stood firm. Nevertheless, when temptation called with such beautiful lips, he couldn’t resist one kiss, standing in the doorway between the night and the light, Spikes lips cool against his own.


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5 ways Buffy notices, even when she’s not supposed to.

1.  Giles always limps after they’ve sparred.  Nothing that anyone else would see – just a half second slower on his left side.  She wishes she could tell him they don’t have to practice, so that he wouldn’t be in pain, but he’d never be ok with that.  Instead, every time it gets almost pronounced enough for others to see it, she beggs off.  Giles thinks she needs a night off to go to the Bronze or something, and she doesn’t care if that’s what it takes to give him just a little more time to heal.

2.  Her Watcher doesn’t go home some nights, when he’s researching hard and fast and furiously.  He hides the signs – he’s got two spare suits in his office and it’s not like he’s never alert, with all the gallons of tea.  But she sees the little extra rumple in his hair, the little curve in his not so perfectly knotted tie, and she has this overwhelming feeling that she should thank him.  But that’s silly, because it’s not her that he’s doing this for, it’s the world.  Every night she goes out and saves the world a little bit, but she wouldn’t know how to without him.

3. After a couple of hours of translation, especially if he’s writing with a fountain pen, his hands cramp.  He has exercises that he’s supposed to do – he did them once – but it’s like he won’t do them now because he doesn’t want to admit to the pain.  She can see it, though.  She can see it and all she wants to do is grab his hand and make him stop writing for a minute, calm his fingers down and warm them up.  Hold his hands, his beautiful hands, in her own, just for a little while.

4.  He was relaxed.  Relaxed in a way that she didn’t want to think about too closely because it reminded her of band candy and patrol cars and thoughts that weren’t hers.  Even when he’s slightly embarrassed that she’s standing there, that they’re standing there, all three of them, he doesn’t blush – just smiles with chagrin – because he’s relaxed.  It makes her a little envious, because she’s never felt that relaxed, not from sex… not yet at least. 

5. When he’s truly happy he giggles.  Giggles like a fifteen-year old who’s gotten away with hiding the porn mags under his bed.  It’s a new thing, this giggling, but she knows it comes from the best place, because it’s the same place that her urge to smile and hug every one comes from.  That place where you’re so happy you want every body else to be that happy too.  She’s been smiling for two days and can’t seem to stop, and he’s been giggling at Xander’s jokes and Anya’s deadpan and Willow’s babble. Every one’s starting to give them both the ‘hmmm, straightjacket?’ looks.  And she doesn’t think her smile can get any wider until he goes and throws his arm over her shoulder when they’re researching that night.  The crazy-looks turn into understanding-looks and all she can do is stare into green eyes and grin the biggest grin she’s ever had.  And all he does his giggle, a little, and smile down at her like she’s the most precious thing in his world.  Which is fine with her.


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5 ways Buffy stopped Glory (without jumping)

(ps - screwing with cannon a bit to get these accomplished)

1. The Bloody One:

Buffy saw him, saw them, she thought, down an alley, through the vampire dust.  Three hours before the witching hour and she found them lurking a block away from the Magic Box.  She couldn't believe her luck. They were fighting with each other, and the moment she heard Ben give in to Glory she knew that she could kill him.  It was messy when she launched herself at him and struck his chest.  Human - or not quite human - bones crunched and shifted.  There were all kinds of fluids that vampires never ... guess they really were more human in that moment.  All in a second, all those months of fear, were gone.  She stood in the alley and looked at the blood on her hands.

2.  The Happy One:

They modified the spell to include the new ones.  This time it read "Make us innocence, valor, strength, mind and heart and spirit joy. Let the hand encompass us.  Do thy will."  Willow still said it, and Giles still lit the candles, and Xander still chanted along, but this time Tara was able to burn the incense, and Anya drew the circle, and Spike did more than guard.  This time they were six strong, those who lent their power to Buffy - the power of the dead and the undead, the former demon and the healer, combined with the Watcher and the Witch and the Heart.  And this time Buffy felt as if she was going to explode with power.  It was enough.  It was more than enough.  They saved the world, with joy and laughter and tears and terror.  Again.  And this time, there weren't any angry dreams.

3.  The One With Character Death:

"You know you have to let me." Dawn cried, "It has to have the blood.  It has to be me."  She looked up, fierce and almost angry, “It’s my turn to save the world, ok Buffy?  You gotta let me save the world this time.”  Buffy nodded through tears.  She knew.  Knew her heart was breaking, knew she'd failed ...  and this time she couldn’t fix it. The First Slayer’s words echoed in her brain. She held onto Dawn as long as she could, before the gap got too big.  Dawn hugged her back, and whispered, “now” as Buffy nodded, and then softly slipped the knife between her little sister's ribs.  "Thank you," Dawn whispered. "Buffy, thank you... just… promise, promise not to forget me."  Buffy nodded again, no words left.  The gaping hole in the sky began to close just as the blood stopped flowing from the wound Buffy had made. Wouldn’t stop the hole in her heart.  That would be there forever.  But it was done.

4.  The Silly One:

"You found a WHAT?" Giles thundered.  Willow looked down at the book again, but she wasn't going to back down, even if Giles was freaked.  She patiently explained the ritual.  The ritual sex.  The ritual sex that, if they all participated, her and Buffy and Giles and Xander, if they did it right, would obliterate Glory and every one associated with her.  So that's what they did.  They got the special candles, they got the secret oil (that was really just pure rosemary oil with some rose petals thrown in), and they signed the "we resolve never to speak of this again" paper Xander had typed up and photocopied.  They grinned at each other after the magical sparkles dissipated, and Xander decided it was his favorite method to stave off apocalypse.  Funny how Buffy and Giles and Willow kind of agreed.

5.  The Utterly Absurd One:

They had a plan.  A plan involving the hammer, the sphere, and a small nuclear bomb that Xander had managed to scavenge from the local army base.  Yeah, who knew?  But it fit in the palm of Buffy's hand, and she figured even 'she who must not be named' would be knocked back a bit by the fire of a million suns.  It worked, more perfectly than anybody could've anticipated - they followed Tara, got there before anybody had the chance to take Dawn up those rickety steps.  The hammer and the sphere weakened Glory enough that Willow could do her spell, and Buffy could shove that activated (and conveniently timer-ed) nuclear device down her throat.  When it went off, Glory's skin contained the explosion, and it was like she melted inside an iron husk.  Dawn had wanted to roast marshmallows, but Buffy didn't really think it was such a great idea.  Instead Willow and Giles did a spell to stick her destroyed body in a toxic waste dump, and they called it a day.  A very long, very weird, day.


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5 Ways Xander Knows He Doesn't Love Deadboy

1. Because he's never aware of the way Spike is always moving. Nope. Xander never watches all that coiled tension, never sees the bunch of muscles under tight t-shirts or painted-on jeans.

2. Definitely not because those slim pale fingers draw his eyes. It's for sure, those fingers wouldn’t feel great spread across skin. Of course he never notices how Spike's always doing something with his hands, smoking, clenching, running those fingers in-between t-shirt and pants, revealing a little sliver of tight stomach. Nope, Xander never sees those fingers at all.

3. Because soulful eyes don't draw him in. They really don't. He's not some girl to be distracted by them when they kind of shine, especially when combined with that soft voice Spike uses sometimes when he's serious. There's no way Xander's falling for those dark eyes that kind of glow when Spike's grinning, twinkle when he's about to run into a fight, or get all soft and three shades darker when the real smile Spike shows actually transforms his face. No way.

4. Especially not because Xander's noticed that Spike is fiercely loyal. No, that's not attractive at all. That's not what makes Xander's heart flutter, when Spike gets protective and fierce, when he demands respect because he's stuck to his word. That doesn't make Xander want to curl up right next to the vampire. No, it doesn't. It really doesn't.

5. Of course it wouldn't be because Spike can be so sweet. No, there's no way Xander could love Deadboy because of his tenderness. There's no way Xander's heart skips a beat when he watches Spike stroke Dawn's hair off her face, when he sees Spike curl his arm around Tara, when he notices Spike making sure Giles stays further back in the fight so he won't get hurt.

Xander totally knows he doesn't love Deadboy for any of those reason. Totally not because any of those things at all.


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...and the totally goofy and multi-partner switching Xander....

5 Ways Xander Did Not Get Knocked-Up

1. He didn't do that spell with Willow and Tara. The mystical, magical, artificial insemination spell. He didn't damnit! It was just a crazy dream brought on by too many triscuts and spray-bacon-cheeze-whip. And that was why his stomach hurt. Just the cheeze! Really!

2. He didn't run afoul of Angel and that Gnostic-whatitis demon at the same time. No, he didn't jump in the way of it's magical stick o'power, and it didn't touch his stomach. It really didn't. He didn't care WHAT Angel said.

3. He didn't follow Spike down to the cellars the other day, to clean out the M'Zarnuk nest. And even if he had, he knew he would remember Giles' warning about the possibility of breaking open the eggs and getting pregnant. Wouldn't he? Unless he'd fallen asleep during the Scooby meeting again. But... he'd always had cravings for pickles and cookies and cream ice cream. Right?

4. He didn't have sex with Spike in the middle of Restfield cemetery, spread open in the cool green grass with a blue moon hung in the sky overhead. He hadn't said those words, the words Willow claimed were the claiming spell, he really hadn't... or... he thought he hadn't ... unless he screamed them as Spike moved inside him. But he couldn't be blamed for that, could he? How was he to know that screaming out "I'm yours! I'm yours!" while having sex with a vampire during a blue moon in August when the stars were aligned in the Nostrious combination would get him pregnant? It's not like they taught you that in sex-ed.

5. He really didn't remember waking up in bed with Wesley, Angel, Spike and Giles all at the same time. And he thought he would remember, since he'd had fantasies about them all at one time or another and man, having them all happy and horny in the same place would've been a bonus his young mind wouldn't soon forget, right? He knew they'd all been playing Spin The Bottle (the drinking and kissing game) the night before, and he remembered at the time he walked into the room he’d wondering what the heck was going on and where were the girls. And he totally remembered Angel's lips were softer than he'd thought they’d be and Wesley's stubble was kind of cool, and so was Spike for that matter, and boy, how he liked the feel of Giles' hands on him. So he knew remembered all of that. But waking up? And getting pregnant? Nope, he didn't remember that at all. So it couldn't have happened then, could it? Don't remember it, didn't happen.